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Dog fetching golf ball (Colour)

Did you see last night's game? Eli Manning was incredible. So shapely. Stop it! I won't have my girlfriend drooling over the buttocks of the New York Giants' quarterback. What about his incredible gorgeous, taut calves?! I hate fall.

'This goalie used to be a jockey.'

"Well, y' know what they say - there's no substitute for experience!"

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Portrait of a Lady"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"How should we divide the teams?"

A day at the transgenic races

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Ratminton

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Gary turns 40.

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'