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'No, no, no...kick the ball into touch! The ball!'

'Pickpocket is an outside bet...left purse on bus is favourite!' (Security at the races on the phone over a reported missing purse).

"Ignore the 45,000 people. They're watching you, but they're not staring at you."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

Mixed Doubles.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

The Salmon Run

Mini tennis players playing on table tennis court.

"Full disclosure—I really need this hug."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Golf with a difference

Egyptian Football

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

"Think of me as the designated sitter."

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

'Remember last Saturday. . . you were bold that day. No dear, caught.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

Cheerleaders

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'At last they're waving us through - Away you go George.'

I love Basketball.

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

What is it with football and this drinking culture?

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

"Okay...let's concentrate on discussing strategy during halftime."

'You bought an F-14 equipped with an internal 20 mm vulcan gatling-type paintball gun? I think you might be taking this paintball thing a little too seriously!'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.