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Rolf Fusco Receives A Text Message From God

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Yes, all at once!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'Don't bite. They're trolling again.'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"I just wish the Earth was as beautiful to live on as it is to look at... It's right behind me, isn't it?"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

'Even More Disciples'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

The Family Joules: Part 3

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Gates of heaven

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."