Speed Reading Wizard Prints

"Just give me the broad strokes."

'Well done Hopkins - I hear you cleared your in tray for the first time in twenty years.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

The Family Joules: Part 21

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"It's a play on words."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

Man sees door to Thesaurus company that has sign posted: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'.

'The girls must be feeling better...'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'Now that we've learned to talk, maybe we should establish some speech codes.'

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

"Letters would be all right if they'd just let us leave them in alphabetical order."