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'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"You need a leader who won't lie to you, won't over-tax you, and won't abuse their power. Please vote for me till you find one."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Inclusive speech

What's normal?

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

Political convention

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'Look dear, he's writing political speeches.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

Changing Minds

We need a Europe of U-turns.

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Information...political rhetoric

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'Everyone distrusts spin. . . so let's go back to old-fashioned lying.'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Mark Anthony on Zoom.

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with something missing.

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.