Speech Soother T-Shirts

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Press freedom makes democracy.

Music Therapy

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"How much is this going to cost me?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the first amendment?"

'A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something.'

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

'He's still addressing the nation.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

"Whoa, too much information!"

"Oh no, those aren't recharging stations for phones. We have those there so physicians can get themselves recharged!"

'Waiter, there's going to be a fly in my soup!'

"Hey buddy! Come over here and draw me something about 'Freedom of Speech!'"

'What a great leader! That's the best 'spend now, tax later' speech I've ever heard!'

I predict a huge fall followed by a lucrative job offer with a major cake baking company.

'... And now I shall pass you over to tonight's speaker who will give a brief summary of my introduction.'

Playing dead is easy, but when they ask me to speak, I have to imagine them in their underwear.

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

"I am reminded of a morbidly depressing anecdote. . ."

The last person to leave, please turn off the enlightenment.

'I can see much grief, suffering and misfortune ahead - and you'll always be dogged by extremely bad luck - but, the good news is you're going to live to a very old age!'

Father nails piano lid shut.

Performance anxiety lessons, the more you practice something.

'My best attribute? That would be my glottal stop.'

'Does my bum look big in this'

Soft Speaker, Loud Speaker, Deafening Speaker

"They all remind me of cloud computing. I really need a mental health day."

Skunk to psychologist: 'It doesn't do me any good to stop and smell the roses.'

A silenced protester

'Wake up honey, you're roaring again.'

'In preparing for his big speech Thorton practices freezing mindlessly in front of a mirror.'