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Ghost School.

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

K9 Literati

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

"Must be another paradigm shift."

"Have you been working out?"

Wikipedia...

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'Read that last part back to me.'

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"Young Montague's full of himself."

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

Petrarch

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

"If history has taught us anything, it's taught us that there have been a ridiculous number of books written about history."

'That piggy bank is for my college fund.'

"What does it all mean?"

Francois Rabelais