Special Education Teachers Gifts

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Campaign for Plain English

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Changing Minds

Non-Denominational Carols

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

"He just said his first word!"

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

The Evolution Of Man.

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

'A is for Arse.'

Arthur Schopenhauer

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

Burnout Syndrome...

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

"...Accept finite disappointment, but NEVER LOSE INFINITE HOPE."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."