Special Education Teachers Gifts

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Children's Parties

Campaign for Plain English

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Four Types of Test-Takers...

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Changing Minds

Non-Denominational Carols

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"He just said his first word!"

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

The Evolution Of Man.

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

Arthur Schopenhauer

'A is for Arse.'

'I'm looking forward to parents' night. I'm going to ask these people their diet secrets.'

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

"I got all Z's because I fell asleep in class."

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

Burnout Syndrome...

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

Show and Tell: 'These came from our orgasmic garden.'

"...Accept finite disappointment, but NEVER LOSE INFINITE HOPE."

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."