Special Correspondent T-Shirts

War Correspondent

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

Press Freedom

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

No Baseball

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Novak Djokovic

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

'Fergie quits - chewing gum sales hit all time low!'

Football Crazy strip six

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

Olympic Climate

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Hey,come on SIMON, DON'T go all shy now. It's not everyday you get the chance to meet your favourite Footballer in the flesh...'

"And Rooney's stretchered off the pitch after managing to stick his foot in his mouth..."

There will be no economics report...our economics reporter got caught in the tech carnage...

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"I will answer anything but questions."

'Sounds like it'll flop.'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Goodenow & Bettman: We have a deal Bob! But do we have any fans left?

...and now for the news in briefs...

On the cover of Sports Illustrated - Envy

"... and come out fighting, boys."

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

The Olympic Booze-a-thon.

Game time.

Baseball players and their qualifications.

'With your 4-4-2 formation I don't think you'll see the end of this match.'