Spam Shield Pillows

Online shopper encounters spam.

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Meet the People of the Internet

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

Your computer is not fully protected...

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

Spam.

"We have to develop a new way to build our customer base. Antispam software has put a dent in our marketing strategy."

'Oh no! We're being spammed again!'

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

Pandora's Inbox

'No dear, there's no post - only junk mail.'

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

'He's our Spam expert!'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"How many of these 'email blasts' are we talking about, General."

Internet crap.

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

'Okay, sir, can you identify the spam?'

'Another ad for penis-enlargement.'

Spam on Mousetrap

CR was here. Tony rules! Hello, I'm a Nigerian general's widow. I have a large amount of securities that I need to transfer. Graffiti was bad enough, but now we have graffiti spam!

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

"I create spam for the internet."

'We need to add an eleventh - 'thou shalt not spam.'

"Junk mail."

The eMailman's Creed