Songwriter T-Shirts

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

"I've always been a big Otis Redding fan."

"Wow, thanks. I'm a big fan. I've downloaded all your stuff."

'This one writes some fine lyrics, and the other one has composed some beautiful music, but they just done't seem to hit it off as collaborators.'

"Listen up, my fine people, and I'll sing you a song, 'bout a brave neurosurgeon who done something wrong."

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

Rick decides to save his real lyrics for when someone is actually listening.

'If only I could write music that would have that much influence over people.'

'This next song is about setting boundaries, and how now I wish I had.'

'I'm a huge fan of yours, I've downloaded all your songs from the internet!'

Paris, 1922, George Gershwin and Franz Kafka try to write a musical.

"This is my own arrangement...of a song I wrote...about me."

"Actually, I'm a singer-songwriter bird."

'This next song is about putting your dreams on hold and doing whatever it takes to pay the rent.'

'Here's one I didn't write... I never learned... and can't play.'

Band alternating between whiney and angry songs.

"Here's a little song I wrote in prison. Actually, I was at Motor Vehicle renewing my license, but it SEEMED like prison."

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Bob's girlfriend provided him with inspiration...and sex.

Open Mic

"The days of great lyrics are over. Let's aim for greeting card lyrics."

'Here's a straight from the heart tear jerker that was inspired by a hashtag.'

"And now, with apologies to Cole Porter."

'First I'll do some covers, then I'll play some derivative, cliche-ridden original material.'

'Here's a song about a girl that seemed a lot less creepy when we wrote it 34 years ago.'

Lovebird and the Song Birds

"That is an outrageous slur."

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'Rip-off Pop Records' office with 'In the charts' and 'Out-takes to recycle' trays.

'This is the 'I Fell Behind On My Credit Card Payments, So They Took My Guitar Away Blues'. I'll be performing it a cappella.'

"That was 'Salt Peanuts'."

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"This next one is about the healthy and drama-free relationship that very nearly ruined me as a songwriter before I realized what was happening and got the hell out of there."

'He's working on a lullaby.'

"This next song I wrote I won't sing due to political correctness."