Son Pillows

"One day Son all this will be yours."

"Son, your mother is a remarkable woman."

"First of all, this conversation never happened."

"Thanks for almost everything, Dad."

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

"Son, if you can't say something nice, say something clever but devastating."

"Son, your mother and I, Grandpa Jack, Grandma Kate, Uncle Danny, Aunt Sue, Grandpa Sy, Grandma Jenny, Cousin Rhonda, Tugger, and Sprinkles are gay."

"We're really bonding now, aren't we, Dad?"

"Someday all these anonymous accounts will belong to shell companies of which you will deny all knowledge."

"The kid's good."

"Father would be much happier if you wouldn't."

'I found some information in this book for my school paper. How do I click 'print'?'

"Someday, son, this will all be yours—and underwater."

'A raise in my allowance is fine, dad. But what I'm really after is power of attorney.'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'We never should have brought him that little lawyer kit. Suddenly, everything I ask him to do is capricious and arbitrary.'

"Trust me, son, if there was a monster under your bed I would have claimed it as a dependent by now."

'Damn it, Mom! I've told you a hundred times...There is no way to 'pause' an online game!'

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"What the hell happened in P.E.?"

"C'mon, time to get up and stare at your devices all day."

"We've got Tom O'Brien on bass, Nick Weber on drums, and Jonah Petchesky on contracts."

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

"Tell us that really scary story again... the one about how they make chicken nuggets!"

"If your mother asks, we crossed at the corner."

"What if we stow the 'Star Wars' crap for five seconds, Timmy, and get to the geometry?"

"If they fit, we can return them."

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

"What does he know, and how long will he know it?"

"Would it kill me to get in touch with my mother once in a while?"

"Whistle, you dumb bastard!"

Principal: You are here, and you should be ashamed of yourself.

"Good shootin', son. I'm pretty sure that was a squirrel."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."