Solitary Viewer Pillows

"This program may not be suitable for viewing by anyone."

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"Delivery."

'Thoreau had his Walden Pond, C.J. has his water cooler.'

Cable Bill.

Vast Wasteland Ahead

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

In The Spring, A Young Man's Thoughts Turn Fancy

...Once his tackle is among the fish...he can savour the strange thrill of being utterly own.

No Man is an Island

"I'll have a programme and sit on that."

Looking For Love.

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

'This year I'm celebrating Valentines Day by myself, I have to economize.'

Hunters And Gatherers Without Partners.

Museum. Shhh!

"Home school class reunion"

'Happy new year'

Lighter

Do you know what girls want?

"That's it?"

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

'I have no idea who he is, I like to keep myself to myself.'

I'm announcing the debut of my new manual: "Randy's Movie-Watching for Alphas." Chapter One: The critics are all wrong

Introverts' Heaven

If I may paraphrase Shakespeare, "Beware the Ides of March, for that is when the jerks cometh out of yonder woodwork."

Christmas party for the home worker

'Well, he's progressed from an imaginary friend to an imaginary mentor.'

'This guy figures to be on his bicycle all night.'