Soda Snob T-Shirts

"Well, I say it's soda!"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"We won!"

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

The Alpha Seltzer

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine tasting

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'I would kill for a truffle.'

"Losing your fizz is very common for a man your age."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Do you mind if I take a straw?'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

Tea Snob.

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

Prosecco Drinker

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Tap water?! As if.'

"Ah, peanut butter and jelly! Looks like the pandemic stock pile of olive loaf has finally run out."

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"I hate this damn counter and, by the way, you stink."

'Too bad... so much ice but not a single glass of lemonade!'