Social Security Sage Pillows

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

IMHOtep

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

A wiser and a better man

"No, I'm not writing a short story. That's my password."

"I worry that we're headed for a future where you won't be able to earn three hundred times the salary of your lowest paid worker."

"Your Honour, Counsel submits the emails are admissible on the basis that anyone could have guessed the password."

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

Trusting

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

The Circle.

Safes for sale

"This is money—get ready to worry about it for the rest of your life."

'Did you spill my pint?'

"Well the good news is that the new software analysed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product. . ."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

Door Security - Head Hitter.

'Grandpa says there are good banks and bad banks, and I hope you're a good bank.'

'Ms. Trent, would you go down to the third grade and get one of the computer techs?'

'No sir, I'm afraid there isn't a patron saint for investors.'

'I've pinpointed our problem. There's too much month left at the end of my salary!'

This one needs re-booting!

'... So I'm standing near this old guy and he's using an old, giant cell phone-- I mean this thing is ridiculous! Hahahaha!'

Beggars' sign - 'Firmly believed my own financial newsletter'.