Social Scenario Navigators Mugs

"If the Webers invite us to their vegan potluck dinner, I found an excuse we haven't used yet."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

"I need a man who will commit."

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

'Isn't that kind of thing generally frowned upon in the real mob.'

"I really like smart women."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

Book Shop: The great American Novel and The great American tweet.

"I thank you guys for a wonderful time—and for giving me the opportunity to access some laughter!"

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"So me heartie, what's say you and I 'hook up' a bit later?"

"I hope that the next time you dive into a good book, you first check to see how deep it is!"

"You should have told me you needed advice."

"When you grow up, son, you can be whatever you want, a doctor or a lawyer."

'Nobody likes me. I need a media advisor.'

My book agent, Laurie, sold my memoirs. It's a gut-wrenching tale of how I overcame the odds. It's based on actual events. Not actual events in my life. They didn't ask! The memoir mantra: Don't as, don't tell.

"Buffering... buffering... buffering..."

Give that woman a Pink Squirrel! Give that man a black eye.

"Maybe quarantine was better?!!!"

Evil Pusskins#3

"I forgot to charge him."