Social Etiquette Rebel T-Shirts

"I know they should be invited to our house next, but can't we just give them the cash equivalent and call it even?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

How The Sausage Is Eaten

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'He doesn't actually drink much. He spills most of it!'

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Wine tasters...

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"How about fashionably never?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

Count Flatula

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"I'll have the chef."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

Eating the Cocktail Olive

"No one quite knew what Bob did to earn a crust...rumour had it he was a biologist...with a special interest in sloths!"

'I told you not to live-tweet this.'

Note: Remote control goes inside the soup spoon.

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

'I certainly phoned SOMEBODY and said, honey, I'm bringing home a guest for dinner!'

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"It has rather an unusual bouquet. What vintage is it?"

"How much do you tip your genie?"

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."