Soccer Satire Seeker Pillows

'Thank goodness Robert Green deflected attention.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Loser's Podium.

Ref shows footballer green card.

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Free Speech has heavy price.

The Washington Arbitrators

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

'You see, I would make a great goalkeeper...'

'Well, here's your answer, Schluman. How can I possible promote you to district sales manager if you can't even palm a basketball?'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

The Breakfast of Cheaters

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

'OK, you're all set. That stent in your artery will get you through the second half, but I'll need to open you back up after the game.'

'...You have a morbid fear of the ball.'