Soccer Moms Prints

"Entering Minivan Territory: Healthy Snacks Strictly Enforced

Soccer Moms

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Baby Footballer

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'I'm just your average suburban gladiator mum.'

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

"Dr. Behan?! Congratulations! It's a Boy!!!"

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'And this one is for getting them to every one of their practice sessions in the 2008 season.'

'Wow! Feel that kick! I'm buying him a football for his first birthday!'

'And then Mindy had the nerve to call me a 'helicopter mom.' Me? In this wonderful jetpack! As if!'

'I think Kenny's finally accepted fatherhood - he said he was off to play football with the kids.'

Things Your Mother Would Never Let You Do Olympic Games

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'Get back to your seat, Mom. I can handle this.'

"So your soccer team lost...big deal! I lose things all the time!"

'Have you ever seen that TV ad, 'Help, I'm sitting around gossiping and can't shut up', Timmy?'

Another Rugby Star is Born.

I hope you brought enough beer boxes for all the dads.

"I am standing up straight."

Thank you for not smacking

"This is the fist time I've ever seen a tech support number of a soccer ball."

I hope you brought enough beer boxes for all the dads.

Vive La Résistance.

It's nice they can all join in, isn't it? Yes! My kids wiping the floor with your kid!

"My mom will only let me play Angry Birds if they're passive aggressive."

"OK, let's try the old 'tell Mommy her sweatpants make her look skinny distractor' on three."