Soap Drama Critic Prints

"All I said was, do we have to watch your telenovela tonight."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Can't Touch This

'Sue didn't watch soap operas all the time. She also reads books'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Succession 2

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"On yesterday's news, we left Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper in the Midwest, preparing to go their separate ways after their bus trip. Meanwhile, their nemesis, George, upset by the latest popularity polls, was consulting with his friend James about h

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'No, I've never been in a TV reality show. My reality is pretty well scripted by my wife, kids and boss.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'I'm a has-been celebrity - get me in there!'

Silly News.

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

Welcome to the wonderful world of abstract mime.

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!