Snobberry Critic T-Shirts

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Champagne at the hunt

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"Hints of migrant workers on the nose."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Another helping of pretentiousness, anyone?"

'New money or old money?'

"C'mon dude, these are not your people."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

'Listen my man, I am not being condescending, I am just trying to use words I think you may be able to understand. . .'

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

'The review said drinking this wine is like drinking a Rembrandt. All I taste is the frame.'

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

"I'm enrolled in a total immersion wine class."

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

'He's a mixed breed.'