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"Someone should tell her...her breath will smell bad after this."

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

World of Cow.

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"The cookies are always stale."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Keyboard in Heaven

"It's weeder's elbow."

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"I keep getting into a flap."

I smoked for thirty years but I've given it up....

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

'...explain to me again why you are burying the shoe you threw..'

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

"Have you tried hitting the rewind button?"

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

Merry Christmas

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'

"They say the mortality rates could be as high as 3%..Better buy more toilet rolls!"

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."