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"Someone should tell her...her breath will smell bad after this."

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

World of Cow.

"The cookies are always stale."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Keyboard in Heaven

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"It's weeder's elbow."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'It's bad news I'm afraid,we're asprins'

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

"I keep getting into a flap."

If this works, our entertainment worries are long gone!

'...explain to me again why you are burying the shoe you threw..'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

I smoked for thirty years but I've given it up....

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

"Have you tried hitting the rewind button?"

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

Merry Christmas

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

Bike Week

"They say the mortality rates could be as high as 3%..Better buy more toilet rolls!"

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."