Smart Home Skeptic Pillows

"Your home keeps calling my home dumb. My home may not be smart, but at least it's not rude."

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

Nigel's new 'smart' doorbell didn't live up to expectations...

"I'm beginning to regret ever having a smart meter fitted!"

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"I discovered our home can be programmed to spit out any unnecessary clutter."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

"You are still here."

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

"For the last time...I'm Alexa, not Siri! Get it right, moron!"

"Our smart home sure is sensitive. Every time I hammer a nail in the wall it screams."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"I wonder what our self-cooking kitchen has for us today."

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'Say - according to our home computer, we're out of bread.'

"Hey Google, describe the view."

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."