Slide Show Survivor Pillows

"I only kill the messenger if PowerPoint is involved."

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

An old man wearing a band t-shirt

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

A castaway on an island with an old TV that's washed ashore, sees two men in an approaching boat marked, 'TV Licensing'.

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

"Between you and me he's not the easiest man in the world to work for."

"Now do you believe me?"

'Stop! Wait 'til he finishes cleaning my teeth!'

'Are you sure this is just a mirage we're crawling through?'

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

Corporate urban legends

'He's not hurt. He's just really, really cold.'

I survived end of the world after party.

Bored Meeting

"I hate this time of year..."

'I'm looking for a romantic tale of wild, unbridled passion I can read while being pushed and groped on the subway.'

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

That Bear Grylls eats some EVIL crap, I'm telling you!

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'

"When you're voted out of "Survivor", I thought they just sent you home!"

When he runs out of beans, Lou discovers that civilization was not, after all, destroyed on January 1, 2001.

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

"Oh boy! My favorite show. 'Survivor: Babysitter Edition.'"

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

Madness of isolation on a desert island.

Why they're called 'bullet points'.