Sleep Tracker Pillows

You look tired, Rudy. Nah, I'm actually not tired. Why don't you go take a break. I'll man the counter for you. That's ok, Uncle Mort. Look at those bags beneath your eyes. And … are those wrinkles I see there? Did you know you age faster if you don't sleep? I'm on to you, Uncle Mort. You want me to step away so you can fix yourself an Espresso. Your doctors said no caffeine. You sound paranoid, Rudy. You're seeing duplicity everywhere. That's a symptom of sleep deprivation. I'm just thinking ab

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

The Snooze Bar.

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Broken Alarm Clock.

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

"That can't be right. How'd you work 15 hours in on day?"

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'Pretty please stay asleep till the morning,'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Don't worry about it Dear: You know Daddy gets grumpy if he doesn't get his daily eighteen hours of sleep...'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"You were snoring."

Oh, come on this insomnia is driving me nuts! Just shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, wouldja!

"What's with your hair?"

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

In the great green room there was a pot of coffee and a red-eyed dad, too. Good Morning Moon.

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

"For the perfect sedative, take the juice from a bottle of whisky..."