Sleep-deprived Humor Lovers Gifts

"How long before we can tell him we're exhausted?"

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Unemotional Support Animal

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Stormy weather

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

Cheating Death.

"He looks just like your husband."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Very Presidential."

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

Watchdog on Holiday

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.