Skeptic Of Health Trends Prints

Ask your doctor

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Dr. Nutrition, would you say our tuna sandwiches could prevent hair loss? Dr. Nutrition. Given how furry you are, I'll take that as a yes. I will tell our customers the great news. I really appreciate your input, Dr. Nutrition. You are a valued scientific authority. The key to a successful scam is maintaining the pretense at all times.

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

''Free prescription drugs'? — We don't even have doctors!'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

'It seems so festive.'

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

Following several health insurance denials of coverage, Thelma finally resolves to entrust her hubby's seasonal depression to the gentle alternative process by psychotherapist Hans-Georg Stumke.

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. That's a good choice, Uncle Mort. Of course you'd say that!!! You're in the pocket of the chamomile industry! You feed at the chamomile trough!!! Here. Delicious. Thanks. I'm glad you're finally taking the doc's advice and laying off the caffeine. That's what you think! I just swallowed seven caffeine tablets with it!!!! Forget the doctors! Big chamomile is in cahoots with big medical insurzzzzzzzz. Addiction is an ugly thing.