Sixtieth Birthday Pillows

'I've gone from zero to sixty in sixty years.'

"Desmond likes to live in the moment. . . and that moment happens to be 1960."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Do you think I'm sixty?

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"It makes you look old."

Male Pattern Baldness

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

The Aging of Underwear

Thibaut Nicolas Marc Courtois

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"The next one is a hard-rockin', kick-ass, take-no-prisoners tune we wrote about turning sixty."

The Mods and Rockers feud had got out of hand

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

David Blaine, Age 60

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

Over the Hill Birthday Cards

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Life begins at 60

'60 is the new 40.'

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

Denise gets offered the senior discount for the first time.

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

"He hit the big 60 today, and now he's just drooping around the house, convinced that he can hear his arteries hardening."