Single Life Celebrant Gifts

'While my friends all smuggle up with their husbands and children, I receive thanks for another doomed relationship.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

A couple dressed as a knife and fork

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

Congratulations!

"Cheers to being a person."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"Do you know what girls want?"

Free love

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'Are you seeing anybody?'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

Two men toasting

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

'I seem to have lost the body I had before I had children.'

Home for Seniors.

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'Tell me, Sadie -just how many times is it now that we have been gathered here today?'

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

Two grooms cutting a civil union cake...

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

'I'm very proud of what he achieved during his life.'

Black Velvet.

Dating site algorithms never die, they just get re-formulated

'Get lost. Can't you see I'm with someone?'

Happy Hour

'I hate singles bars. It's like window shopping...you know, looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies.'

"Day 973: Still no sign of Mister Right..."