Simile Creator Pillows

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

Moses separating his Laundry.

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"I didn't say my dog ate my homework. I said Russian bots ate my homework."

Multi-Tasking

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

Leonardo Da Vinci paints a selfie

Sistine Selfie

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"He really hates all the fake news!!"

"So, have you two fallen out again?"

'I hate it when I have to talk on my phone.'

"Should we take pics of our feed for Instagram?"

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"My Twitter account isn't too interesting. It's mostly just a bunch of threats."

Witch in drugstore: They're endangered now, so I need a newt substitute.'

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

American Gothic Selfie

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"It's a battle of wills - I'm refusing to do anything for his 'funny cat videos' web page."

John Waters

Hall of Fake Presidents

Obama II

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'Tweet me when I'm flagged...hashtag 'drunk'.'

"Don't repeat this."

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

"About these experiements of yours into genetic cloning, Bond" boomed the Headmaster, "They must cease immediately"

Social Media Blues

"Just wait until you read my tweets."

"...lettuce pray."

"Hibernation sounds old fashioned. Now we call it binge sleeping."

'Once you're done photographing me, would you please turn the camera on yourself? I always post photos of my food online.'

Creation of Adam