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Ocean

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

Cake Free Zone

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

Reading the sports pages.

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Beware of God"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

Aging Problems

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.

"Ah-h, her comes my better half now."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Fancy crashing at my pad later, babe?"

"I've never felt this close to anyone before!"

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"We never talk anymore."

"Hey, I know - why don't we go on a little crime spree?"

Revenge Of The Tipped Cows

"There were hooves in my lunch! I told you I don't like hooves."

Missing you...