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Mrs. Jarley at the pay-place

TV repeats.

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

Television Readers.

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"We're following Carrot Top."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Papageno from The Magic Flute

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Cat fishing whilst fish fly overhead.

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Silence of the Chickens...

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

Wordplay: Hibernation.

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Not now, Oliver."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

"Keep looking. She's here somewhere."

Reese Witherspoon