Shark Skeptic Pillows

'Ask the expert in marine biology. 'Harmless basking shark,' my foot.'

A man gets a paper cut while reading in his back yard and is attacked by 'Lawn Sharks'.

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"The reason you're not popular is...well...you smell like shark repellant."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"What on earth were you thinking when you named your boat?"

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

"It's odd, but once I'm full, the last thing I want to smell is blood in the water."

'I say we let the poor thing on the boat. The poor creature has been a performing shark his whole life, he won't survive a day out here in the wild.'

"He made millions and we got a bad rap. Why has no one eaten Spielberg?"

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

Doing Something About the Weather

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

Alternative Accountants

'Yeah, Pilot-Fish is a great job, but you tend to see some gruesome stuff during feeding frenzies...'

Frankenfood farms: pest-resistant, fresher-longer, who-knows-what produce.

"But the travel agent said the beach was safe. Did you go into the water?"

Shark

'Well, we saved this attorney...some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin.'

'Jack, if you're taking pictures, I'll stay submerged! You know we always look bigger out of water.'

"Monster under your bed? You're old enough to know there are no such things as monsters."

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

"Excuse me, but where exactly are we being led?"

"O.K., Wordle has gotten harder."

"I thought we had agreed, no lawyers!"

Shark

'Wow! I thought that Charlie was just horsing around.'

The Final Backstroke

Annoying things about the beach.

'I don't care about your stinking study. This time, it better not be the placebo.'

Stop Anti-Shark Bigotry!

'I said no more surfer snacks before the feeding frenzy!'

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

"I told you the white shark was great!"

'He doesn't use drinking fountains. He can't swim.'