Shark Humorist Pillows

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Gee, thanks pal."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Jurassic Pork.'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Hats and Food

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Scuba cow"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."