Shareholders Meeting Pillows

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

Due to a rise in raw materials, higher energy charges and labour increases, there will be no box lunches this year.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Listen to everybody's opinions? Please, we're not that desperate."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'I'm looking for something to impress the shareholders.'

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'All we can do is remind the stockholders that money isn't everything.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"Which way up do you want it?"

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'