Shareholder Detective Pillows

"First of all I feel I owe you an apology."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'I'm looking for something to impress the shareholders.'

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

"I have an obligation to the stockholders, not the employees!"

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'All we can do is remind the stockholders that money isn't everything.'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"Still, I think we can all take some pride in being one of the signature bankruptcies of our time."

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"Remember, when they go low... we observe shareholder value and act accordingly."

Help!!! I've been kidnapped - Your Money.

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'Today, the market did the 'Ol' Dipsy, but recovered in the 'Doodle'.'

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'