Sex Life Philosopher Gifts

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Aging Support Group

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"Death coach..."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"If you could time-travel back to any period in history, would your love for me keep you from going?"

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'