Settling An Estate Pillows

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

'There's one other thing. Your Aunt left you this, it's a nasty aftertaste.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Graph Your Relatives!

Moving in

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

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Contest of wills.

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Just so you know, I'm taking all this with me into the afterlife."

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

'One day, after they unfreeze my DNA, this will all be mine again.'

'My cat died this morning. This is a legal nightmare. There are nine wills.' color

'He must not have been an easy man to care for. He always had an iron will. Which brings us to what he left you.'

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

God changes His will.

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

Death as a Solicitor, to client: "I strongly recommend you write a Will."

"Someday this will all be yours, or so you think until you find out at my last will and testament that I left everything to my hot, young trophy wife and you curse my soul to eternal damnation."

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

The Heirs

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"