Servicewoman Pillows

“It’s ok to leave the lid up at home but not on a submarine.”

'Quick, my brothers, run - incoming nappies!'

'Number one platoon will be on patrol. . . number three will be playing peek-a-boo.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

'Thanks for being up support staff.'

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

Veterans Day US

"I'm working part time, but I'm hoping that once I finish my master's they'll up my hours to full time."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Not for what I'm getting paid!'

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

'Maybe I should change this thing more often...'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

'Having a family life and juggling two jobs? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?'

"This robot barista is so authentic it even got my name wrong."

Kathleen felt she was stuck between Iraq and a heart place.

"You guys going to help out or what?" "Nah." "Doubt it." "Tra... la... la... la... la..."

Hot Line

"I'm having a little difficulty adjusting. The last place I worked was a lot bigger."

"Maybe you're not underemployed - maybe you're just overeducated."

'Coming to you direct from table nine; 'the polenta is cold'.'

'No, I'm not wearing high heels. I look taller because the minimum wage will increase and now I can stand taller.'

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

"Your son is a bus driver? Well, my Andy goes to university..."

Too rare perhaps?

"I read that 40% of us have to take a second job just to make ends meet...It's a disgrace!"

"I can't work on this one. It's too ticklish."

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'Will that be for here or to go - and if it's to go, can you take me with you?'

"Is something funny, soldier?"

Favorite Selections from 800,000 Things To Do With a Scarf