Service Fee Skeptics Prints

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'The wine should be done anytime now.'

"You forgot to read the small print Mr Burrows. My charges are ten pounds a letter and you have two hundred and thirty three on this page."

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

'It cost a mint to educate him. If you want his opinion, you'll have to pay for it.'

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

'How did I become Vice-President? You ask...I came up with the logest list of fees to charge bank customers.'

Street merchants 'Hair wraps' 'Henna Tattoos' 'Colonic irrigation'

'What do our service charges cover? -- people who ask too many questions!'

"24 hour service. Yes, that's how long it takes us to prepare your pub lunch."

I remember your lousy tip. Enjoy MY trickle-down theory.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

"We've become so diversified these days...let me check to see if we have anything at all to do with customer service."

Some airlines are charging for coffee and water. Brilliant efficiency, but also a threat. To us? We're a caf

"Did you remember to tip the doorman?"

Feedback card for the feedback card.

'Since you just came in to say hello, there'll only be a nominal service charge.'

"This charge is for your monthly service fee and this charge is because you didn't have it."

'We're happy to explain our fee structure to you as long as you understand that it will incur a fee.'

'A second opinion? All right, but I charge double for that.'

We use all the latest painless procedures, so now a visit only hurts at the end when you get the bill.

'We must improve our level of service.'

Lots of people helping out with the self-service machine.

'Your call is important to us...but not important encough for us to hire additional staff to talk to you.'

'Just give me the ten bucks and look at it as another surcharge.'

Idiot! You get 12 free rocks, but now you have to buy a rock every month for a year!

"Remember our motto, 'If it ain't broke, fix it anyway'!"

Gas Prices

"It's the airline. The luggage you lost seven years ago is still lost."

'...Please press 4, if you want a refund hang up.'