Sermon Savor Pillows

"Attendance is up, but they tune out my sermon to play wordle."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"The rolling wheels...the ringing bells...signal the deliciousness of summer."

Pasta

London GPs could become an endangered species.

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Women who Read Too Much

Male On Sunday

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

Conclave.

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

"I can't believe school ends in three months! Sometimes I wish it would never end. But I guess endings make you appreciate the present."

NEW FALL LINEUP

Two lemons enjoying some reading time together in their 'Home Sour Home'.

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

'No more Mr. Nice Guy...'

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

Please follow safe worship practices.

'Why honest is the best policy...'

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

The good news is that you've cured me of my pornography addiction � The bad news is that now I'm addicted to Rorschach ink blots.

Preaching to the inverted.

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

Priest and mobile

"Like the boy scouts, Preacher; always prepared."

I love Berimbau!

"For those of you visiting our church for the first time just raise your hand and our ushers will refresh your coffee."

'You're in luck. The dog ate my sermon.'

"You're not stepping on it right."

Two Men Having Showdown On Small Hill-Top