Sermon Appreciator Prints

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

"The minister is known to do a mic drop after a particularly good sermon."

A Visit with the Bishop

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'Today's Sermon: Good Cholestrol Vs. Bad Cholestrol'

'Oh, it wasn't glossolalia -- he just gets tongue-tied when he preaches about sex and marriage.'

'There's something different about the vicar, He seems louder,'

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

'Global warming is God's way of giving you sinners a preview of HELL!'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

"Because he didn't even change your name. That's how I know he was talking about you."

"Jesus changed the water into wine and everyone drove home responsibly."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

You are my sunshine!

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

Sermon Applause.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Oscars 2024

"And on the fourth day god finished the work that he had done and he rested. . ."

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"Well, geez, you don't need to bite my hea.."