Serial Theorist Pillows

"I'm having one of those days where I can barely remember which conspiracy theory I'm obsessed with."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

Reverse psychology

She loves to play with string theory.

Fluffy explains her string theory.

"I told him we needed more string."

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'Johnson, if you're going to have negative thoughts, I suggest you get rid of that thought balloon!'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Hey germ, pick on someone your own size."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Executive Towers: Sorry, No Room Left At The Top!

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

Studying String Cheese Theory

"Picking the right ethnicity of your nanny is the single-hardest part of being a mother these days."

'You understand, Yomp, it's not me speaking. It's the corporation!'

Sign: Globo Corporation: A company on a journey to find its authentic self, guided by the traditional disciplines of Western Capitalism.