Serene Sermon Liker Pillows

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"It is my place!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Listening to Coldplay.

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Applause

Stories about crumbs

"He's always been an optimist."

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

Gwendolyn found herself deep in the Lake district,

'By George, this one I think I'm going to like!'

Windchimes

Male On Sunday

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

'Personally, I prefer a more traditional message for Easter Service.'

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

'No more Mr. Nice Guy...'

'This wasn't in the adventure brochure!'

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

'I am going to do a spot of gardening, have you seen my ear protectors?'

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

Please follow safe worship practices.

'Why honest is the best policy...'

'Stop nagging - I'm fishing as fast as I can.'