Serene Sermon Liker Pillows

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

Little girl dangling from her horse track.

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"It is my place!"

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

"My fellow mantises...I can barely believe this, but it has come to my attention that there is a lack of prayer in this church!"

Applause

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

Windchimes

"He's always been an optimist."

'By George, this one I think I'm going to like!'

Male On Sunday

Gwendolyn found herself deep in the Lake district,

Stories about crumbs

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...

'I don't know - asceticism just doesn't seem like ENOUGH any more,'

'No more Mr. Nice Guy...'

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

'Personally, I prefer a more traditional message for Easter Service.'

'This wasn't in the adventure brochure!'

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

'Sorry I'm late. I had you booked as the gastroenteritis, on Mont Blanc.'

'I am going to do a spot of gardening, have you seen my ear protectors?'

'Stop nagging - I'm fishing as fast as I can.'

'Why honest is the best policy...'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

Please follow safe worship practices.