Separated Friend Pillows

"She said she needed more space, so she left me!"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"Hey, Brian. I can't make it to the park today, but I'll be there in spirit."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

"Have I ever hugged you, Elkins?"

Staying Single Explained.

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

'Remember when I threatened suicide the first time you went home to your mother!'

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

'I've had a series of unfortunate marriages.'