Sentence Satirist Gifts

"30 years? But that's aaaaaaaaaaaages."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"You're fired."

Occu-Pie Mars

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

Hollywood Sign Developers

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

They're Not Just That Into It

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Life is for the birds.

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

Pretty Flowers

Build your very own conflict of interest!

Torturing the English Language

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."