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Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

'Did someone say something?'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Life begins at 60

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

"How's your memory?"