Self-sufficient Pet Advocate Pillows

"O.K., well, think about it, but remember, I find my own food, I'm quiet, and you don't have to take me for walks."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"Todd was glad he had a support animal."

'What's founder?'

"These are the care instructions. And if things don’t work out, there’s a recipe on the back."

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"You've got to lay off the homework."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Is your dog friendly?!"

'Catch any good mice lately?'

'Rasputin has been declawed: Pass it on...'

"We've got a class-action suit if I ever saw one."

"Yo, I'm Scrapper the Rapper, shelters are cool, but I'm no fool -- the dream in my head, is to sleep on your bed. Adopt now!"

'Too old to climb curtains, but young enough to climb on a lap. What's not to love.'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

'Gentlemen, I've just seen the quarterly reports and believe me, I am not wagging my tail!'

'Trust me, if you get them as kittens, you learn to love them...'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'And this bone, would you say he wanted to pick it for quite some time?'

"Well, when you were called a 'bad dog,' were you publicly harmed?"

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Adopt me."

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

"I-800-DOGYLAW"

At least your patients can't complain like the medical doctor's do!"

"It's the Galton gang all right. And they done stole our emotional support animals!"