Self-esteem Jester T-Shirts

'Don't kid yourself. If you're too ugly to be cooked, they'll grind you up into one of those fish protein concentrates.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"Well, I'm sad for Gloria...she's gonna be bummed out when I'm twice as successful as she is."

PROBLEM AREAS

"Yet she never gains an ounce."

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Ego Increasing School

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

'Hey Sally, do these new capris make me look pretentious?'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

The company lawyer's self-image vs the boss's self-image.

"My fuse about my height is about as short as I am."

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

"Dear, it's a well known fact that women's clothes shrink in the closet during winter!"

100% Bombast-Filled Parka

"Science has proven that if you don't know what you're talking about, people will still take you seriously if you act like you do...Especially if you back it up by saying 'Science has proven' it."

"It doesn't matter if anyone believes in you. . . what's important is that you believe in yourself!"

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"My self esteem is low ... how come I never got hacked?"

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

Tell me about this feeling of inadequacy

Self esteem clinic - Go ahead, take a number. You deserve it.

Latest support group: British actors who couldn't get a part in the Harry Potter films.

"Nobody wants to steal my identity."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"Your mom wants to buy you a drink."

"So tell me - what makes you think you're a 'monster'?"