Self-deprecation Artist T-Shirts

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Can't even hold signs well.

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"God help us, it's that guy."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'I swear I've never had any plastic surgery, I'm naturally this ugly...Heck, my whole family is!'

'My arms are getting shorter.'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'I decided I need something to draw the eye away from my bald patch.'

"Never laugh at your wife's choices ... you're one of them."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"Mike, I know you're happy with your new toupee, but I really think it's something that you should keep under you hat."

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

'Has there ever been such a sickly group of rugged individualists.'

'You swam with dolphins?! I'm impressed.' 'Don't be. They laughed at my butterfly stroke. Dolphins can be quite cruel.'

Bad Scalp Day

'Our family is so ugly, we keep the negatives instead of the pictures in the photo album!'

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I ask you - does this suit make me look fat?"

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

'- and I was so embarrassed last night, you danced like a man with two left fe----!!!'

"Whenever I try telling a joke...everyone laughs at me."

"I've finished shovelling and am for the most part satisfied with the results, but I'll rest now and look at it again in the morning."

'What's your idea of the perfect woman? One that likes short, fat, middle-aged men.'